Empty Destination
by Iota
Summary: Heero's POV in the first chapter, which has a Matchbox 20 song for mood music. First chapter: Heero is alone in St. Louis on a rainy day.


Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. I swear!  
  
A/N: I'm trying something new. Yay! I'll find different songs for each chapter of the story - and get this, it will make sense. I hope. The songs are more like mood music for my fic, okay? Anyways, here goes.  
  
AC198, late winter  
  
Chapter One - Kody  
  
Heero sat on the windowsill in the family room of his 6th story apartment in St. Louis, staring blankly down at the street. He watched people hurry this way and that, their coats and jackets pulled tightly around them, their heads lowered to protect them from the cold. 'Its not just the weather they're protecting themselves from,' he thought as two men collided and hurried off without so much as an apology. 'Life itself is bleak without something to give it meaning. And hope.'  
  
He sighed, pulling his right leg into his body and closing his eyes. The telephone on the other side of the room rang, and he debated whether he should answer. He decided not to. If the call was that important, the caller should leave a message. The answering machine clicked, "Leave a message," beeped, and a familiar voice reminded him that there were others like him.  
  
"Heero," Quatre Winner said in his usual kind manner, "I just called to see how you've been. Please return my call."  
  
"Hn." Heero opened his eyes and looked back down at the street. The wind picked up, blowing loose paper down the street, past the cars. Even Quatre had an ulterior motive for calling, whether he meant to or not. Heero figured he was looking for advice or maybe some sign that Heero was still alive. He may also have had news about one thing or another. Heero stood up. Quatre was as alone as he was, as they all were. Alone and torn. Heero himself had a gaping wound, but it was invisible unless someone was to look into his soul. And few people were that talented.  
  
Heero shrugged on his trenchcoat and left, walking down the sidewalk with nowhere to go. He sat cross-legged on a bench in front of the old courthouse, watching the cars go by. The street lamps lit up because of the coming storm, and he watched the light bounce off glass from a bottle that shattered on the sidewalk when it was tossed carelessly out a car window.  
  
The bottle, he thought, would make a great metaphor. The bottle was just discarded when it was no longer useful, and it shattered hopelessly on the hard ground, scattering pieces in every direction. He doubted it could ever be made whole again, even if someone cared enough to try; it would be impossible to find every sliver of the broken glass. There would always be something missing.  
  
*Kody sat down on the avenue   
  
He tapped his feet, to the humming of the highway   
  
He watched the light shine down on the broken glass, and thought   
  
I don't got no reasons, yet   
  
There it is and there it was   
  
It was clear to all of us   
  
Who kept this hat of broken dreams   
  
And we pulled them out, when we needed them around*  
  
Shaking his head, Heero stood up, glancing at the wicked-looking sky. This was life, he supposed, turning his face toward the wind as he walked down to the river's edge. It was sharp and moist. The muddy brown water churned in the riverbed, flowing out towards the sea, it's one and only destination. He leaned down and dipped his hand in. He didn't pull his hand out until the icy water numbed his fingers.  
  
After watching it drip, he shook off the rest of the water, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked off. Did he have a destination? He closed his eyes, letting the wind flow through his hair, and blocked out his thoughts. The rain began as light drizzle, just a haze of water droplets adding to the already dismal gray streets. It was cold, but he ignored it and walked on, seeking refuge in a small corner coffee shop.  
  
The coffee shop was quiet, but there were plenty of people there. Most of them were reading silently, some were looking at their drinks or outside at the rain, and others were staring at nothing, not seeing, not feeling. The rain could do that to people, bring out the sadness, and make everything seem slow and steady. Make them seem alone in the world. Heero liked the rain because everything seemed real and yet surreal at the same time. On those days, the days where the gray engulfed everything, he could more easily block out his emotions, his thoughts.  
  
Heero shook the mist out of his hair, took off his coat, and sat down at a corner table next to a window. There were few people on the streets now, and little to look at. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes.  
  
*So please hand me the bottle, I think I'm lonely now   
  
And please give me direction, I think the hurt set in   
  
And I don't feel nothing*  
  
"Are you going to order anything?"  
  
"Hm?" Heero glanced up.  
  
"Are you going to order anything?" a young waitress asked kindly. She looked about his age, give or take a couple years. She smiled.  
  
"Mocha," he said quietly. He figured he might as well drink something warm while he waited for the storm outside to clear.  
  
"Okay." She came back a few minutes later with the mocha. "Horrible weather today," she said, trying to make conversation.  
  
"Hn." Heero said, picking up the warm mug and watching the rain splash on the broken sidewalks. It wasn't that bad.  
  
Disappointed, the waitress went back to cleaning tables, and the room got quiet again.  
  
Sipping his mocha, Heero closed his eyes again, trying to block out the world. The jingle of the bells on the door signified someone entering the little shop, and Heero looked up just to see who it was, almost if he was expecting somebody. But he wasn't.  
  
The man who came in looked lost, not afraid, but lost in life. He looked tired, upset, and annoyed. He shook off his umbrella when he stood under the awning outside, but it was still dripping when he came in. His leather business shoes squeaked mildly, and his pants were soaked halfway up to his knee. He walked up to the waitress, ordered something, and sat down at a nearby table, sinking low in the chair and fiddling with his tie. Probably had a bad day. The shop got quiet again.  
  
*There's a squeak hinge down on the back gate   
  
It lets us know if he comes around   
  
I don't sleep that good anyway   
  
If you've never heard that silence, it's a God awful sound*  
  
Heero looked outside again. The rain now beat against the river, churning the water and making visibility scarce. Heero watched it, let it take over, and listened to the sound drumming on the sidewalks.  
  
*So please hand me the bottle, I think I'm lonely now   
  
And please give me direction, I think the hurt set in   
  
And I don't feel nothing I don't feel nothing, no I don't feel nothing   
  
There's nothing to feel good about here*  
  
Heero sighed silently as he put his trenchcoat on and left money on the table for the mocha. The bells above the door jingled when he left, and then the shop was quiet again.  
  
Heero ignored the cold, hard rain that soaked his hair and ran down his face, stinging his skin. The temperature was about 40 degrees Fahrenheit, only 8 degrees above freezing. Eight degrees can make a big difference, but not when it's raining. Heero stopped in front of a large hotel and looked up, realizing for the first time how cold he really was. He didn't come to this part of town much; his apartment was halfway across town. He wasn't sure why he came today. Relena had stayed in this very hotel two weeks before, and he didn't dare come down this way. Now, he stood there, looking up, regretting.  
  
*Don't much get down to the avenue   
  
I could drive, but it takes so much to get there   
  
Don't get off on all the broken glass, the Cadillac scene,   
  
Well I've seen a lot of good things die and I'm   
  
In an over emotional way*  
  
Heero brushed some strands of wet hair out of his eyes and put his hands back into his pockets. He shook his head and started back to his apartment. What gives his life meaning? He thought, watching the uneven cracks in the gray sidewalks as he walked. What was his destiny? It seemed so long ago when he was last sure about what he was doing, where he was going, and how to get there.  
  
*So please hand me the bottle, I think I'm lonely now   
  
and please give me direction, I think the hurt sets in   
  
Please hand me the bottle, well I think I'm lonely now   
  
Please give me direction, I think I just caved in   
  
It ain't nothing*  
  
The rain came down harder.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Kody" is sung by Matchbox Twenty.  
  
Please review! 


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